mood: unsure

Ever feel like your world doesn't make sense anymore? Like you thought you had it figured out but it turns out that you don't? I do. I try to ignore a lot of stuff, but some of it just can't be ignored. I wish it could be though. Life is unpredictable. It picks you up and then slams you back down. That's called reality. Hope? Does that exist anymore? It seems like that just sets you up for disappointment. But the funny thing is, it's not supposed to. They say "never lose hope". Ok, that's good advice, but let's change that a little bit. How about "be careful of how much hope you put into something." Don't set yourself up for heartbreak. Why is this post so negative you ask? It's not....it's truth. It's personal experience. It's life.

Ya know, I keep praying for signs, for guidance and for happiness. I know it won't come when I want it to, but I think I've waited long enough. This is my prayer: "God please help me. Help me figure out everything I need to. Help me make it through life. And help me know the difference between what's real and what's not. Just help me be happy again God, please. Amen." I don't believe that's too much to ask for is it? I'm going to say no. But that's just my opinion.

That's all for this post. TTYL <3

So it's 1:41 in the morning and I'm bored. Figured I'd do a little update. Well, sadly nothing has really changed. Still in school, still working, and still single..ugh!! fml right? And!!! I need to start saving some money to go to Greensboro in like 2 weeks. So I need to put like 30 from my next two checks away. Probably won't buy much, but just to get out of Roanoke for the day will be AMAZING!!! I definitely need a vacation. Spring break is next week, but I'm not going anywhere :( :( :( Was supposed to, but we're all broke. So now, i'm stuck here and working. and that is definitely an FML situation! So what's good about this week??? I'm going out with friends on saturday. It is much needed!! But ya know what? I think that's it for now...I have like a major headache!

TTYL <3

wow...it's been a long time.

Wow, so yea I haven't been on here in a very long time. I think I'm just going to stop promising to get on because it seems to never happen. So, what's happened with me in the past what....month? Well, still single...unfortunately. Still working and still going to school. Unfortunately I didn't get into the Radiography program at Western. Not sure if I mentioned it earlier, but I'm trying to become a Radiologist. Your GPA needed to be a 2.5 or higher at the end of the '09 semester. Mine was a 2.37 :( . But I'll just try again next year I suppose. But anyways!!!! Not really going to go into the relationship thing, because it still kinda hurts to talk about it. Because...yes...i still miss him and no I'm not completely over it.....

But that's all I'm going to say about that!!! So let's see...what else? Well, my best friend moves to Germany in less than 2 months :( and it just seems like everyone is leaving!! My other friend is leaving for Washington state when her husband comes back. Both of them have husbands in the military and that's where they are stationed. One of my other friends is thinking about going into the air force...and another IS going into the air force...I don't know. Just a lot of people leaving. And I'm still here. Trying to get through school and life for that matter. :sigh: I guess my life will have like a jump start one day. Just waiting for it is the problem. I'm not very patient.

Ok, how about something happy? My cousin (who's really more like my sister) had her baby at the end of January :D. Camden Charles DeMoss. Born January 29, and was 6 pounds 13 ounces. He's too precious!!! So I consider myself an AUNT not a cousin!!! My cousin and cousin-in-law are so happy to be parents and I know they will be great ones too.. I mean she's been practicing since we were kids..haha!

I guess that's it for now. Not too much happening. Again, not going to promise to try and get on here everyday. It'll just have to happen when it happens. But

TTYL <3

Working through it all

Ok,
So it's starting to sink in now. Ending a 3 year relationship is not easy. Especially when it's your first. :sigh: But it had to be done. There was just too much hurt going on. I really just want to find someone who will love me as much as i love them. Is it really too much to ask? I'm sure he's out there somewhere, just don't know where. Not going to go into detail on how it all happened, because i'd rather forget about it all. And when i say all i do mean ALL. :( I hoped it didn't get to that point, but it has.

So, how to move on is the next question. Everyone says to just surround yourself with friends and family. Just ones who love me and ones i love. It works during the day. But for some reason when i get alone my starts to wonder and it keeps going back to that and every question possible comes up. Why? how? when? how long? ....UGH!!!!

I just want to get to a point to where I can look back on it and be like....it was a good decision. Really need that time to come soon.

ttyl <3

HELLO EVERYONE!!!!
well it's 2010 and here is to a fresh start :D!! I'm single, i'm going to be focusing on school...and who knows? maybe later on down the road a new relationship ;) No more hurt, no more lies...none of it!! oh...and try to get on here more often..lol. So, how's about a little update :D

Well, like i said, i'm currently single. Didn't end very well, but ya know what...maybe everything does happen for a reason! I'm going to be a junior in college this year. I think im going to try to work on a nursing degree. I'd really like to get into the Radiography program, but we'll see how my gpa does. I'm going to try to get a job at the hospital like getting the people's information in and stuff like that. Because after 6 months, they will pay for your schooling to go back and get your degree. So we'll see how that goes.

As for relationships. I'll be taking it slow, but doesn't mean i'll say no to possibilities ;) I just want to find someone who will appreciate me and not treat me like i don't matter to them ya know? Who knows...maybe he's out there, but God just hasn't sent him my way yet. :crosses fingers: lol.

For right now, i'm just going to surround myself with my friends and family. Just all the people who love me and who i love. Whatever happens next is in God's hands!

Well, that's it for now :D

TTYL <3

SKILLET!!!

YAY!!! I am getting tickets next week for Skillet!!!! :D :D :D Ok, so for those of you who don't know Skillet is a Christian rock band. Yea, ok I know what you're probably thinking "ew..Christian...so what are they going to preach to me?" Actually, no! Yea some of their songs you can tell that they're talking about God, but others no you can't tell. Actually you might have heard one of their songs. "Those Nights". I know for a fact that it plays in Aeropostale sometimes. I can't wait. Anyways!! My friend Heather and I are going. I am going to buy her ticket for her Christmas present. Hopefully she'll be able to get off from work. I mean it starts at 7 pm so if anything if she could work that morning that would work too. Well, I also found out that a girl at my work like loves them too! So I'm like yes!!!! So she's going to go with us too...and here's the good news....if something happens to where Heather can't go...I won't have to go alone!! YAY!! haha. I really don't want to go alone, but I am not going to miss them again. Yea, they came here 2 years ago with a tour called Winter Jam. That is pretty much a Christian concert. A lot of different christian bands come and play. Well, I had tickets and i was so close to getting in. Like there were literally like maybe 20 people in front of us and then they closed the doors. We're like WHAT?! They're like we've reached capacity. I'm thinking...that's bs. It was ridiculous. People were coming out because half of their group was inside and the other half was outside. And so the half that was inside came out. And they still would not let anyone in!! I'm like WTH???? I was so upset. But that's not going to happen this time. I'm going to make sure that I get into this one. But I will definitely keep y'all posted and let you know what happens :D.

TTYL <3>

UPDATE!! (FINALLY)

Ok,
so how bad am i? I haven't updated this thing in over a week now. sorry :(. Anyways, let me tell you what's been going on with me. Well, I've been going to school, and working. Yea, that's it. Sad isn't it? Well, I did go to the ER for some ...personal stuff. Anyways, long story short, I have to go see a special doctor and get it checked out.....sucks!!!!! But I guess I'll make that a separate blog.

Oh, speaking of separate blogs, I never made one about that whole situation at work. Ok, I'll just do that here real quick. I'll give you the short version. Every night we take the bank deposit to the bank after we close. Well everyday except Friday and Saturday. Well, an associate has to follow a manager and sign a paper saying that they witnessed them dropping it off. Well, I signed it so I had to follow my manager. Ok, well, this person...I'm not going to say any names...accidentally headed home instead of following me, or heading to the bank. I was fixing something in my car so she left before me. I thought she had just gotten there and left. (which is still against policy) But I called her and asked where she was. She said she was on her way home and that she forgot. But she said she was on her way back. She lives close to downtown. I told her I'd wait for her and she said to just go ahead. I made sure 3 times that it was ok before I left. She said yea. SO....to make an even longer story short...I was talking to another manager about it cuz I found it funny that she just left and it blew up into this whole thing. We got it all fixed and everything like that, but she basically hates me now....which is fine because I didn't do anything wrong.

So that is basically the back story to I think 2 of the blogs that I've done on here. Everything is worked out when it comes to policies and punishment, but she still hates me and no matter what she says...im not stupid. I can tell. But I'm not going to lose any sleep over it.

So, let's see. What else has gone on? I honestly can't think of too much. How about just a random thing...my room is still a mess. I honestly should be cleaning it right now, but I'm not..haha. I have tomorrow off and I guess I'll do it then. I might start it tonight though. Who knows maybe something will put me in the cleaning mood and I'll just like go to town or whatever.

So, I'm watching the Obama speech tonight. He's talking about the health care system. I can't honestly say that I know exactly what he's talking about, but I still like listening to him. Ok, so I'm going to give you my opinion on Obama. I think he's awesome! I voted for him. I'll come right out and say it because I think he is going to make this nation much better than what it was when Bush left it. I still don't understand how Bush got elected for a second term, but whatever. Now, my thoughts on people who are trying to like make all these accusations against Obama.....SHUT THE HELL UP!!!. Ok, so here are some of the accusations that I know of. 1) Obama is not a christian. - Ok, so yea, when he was sworn in as a senator or whatever he was supposedly sworn in on the Koran. Ok, but he did turn against that church after hearing some of the things that the preacher was saying. And he was sworn in on the BIBLE when he was elected president. 2) People don't like the fact that he is African-American. - Ok, first off, it's the effing 21st century.....GET OVER IT!!!! Look around you people. How many mixed racial marriages and relationships do you see? And if you're so like anti-black or w/e then why are you letting your kids go to a public school? AND what did they ever do to you? I mean have they harmed you in any way? Maybe they have and maybe they haven't, but why hold a grudge against and entire race for what one person might have done? AND....guess what?! Obama is HALF WHITE AND HALF BLACK. So, if you're hating him, are you hating your own race? His mother was white and his father was black. In fact, he hardly had anything to do with his father. He was raised mostly by his grandmother, his white grandmother. ...And this is the only other one that I can think of...3) He is the anti-christ. - Really?! I think this is probably the most ridiculous one I've heard yet. Ok, people, read your Bible. It says that the anti-christ is of middle eastern decent. If I could find the Bible passage I would put it on here. I'll look for it later and try to post it when I get a chance. ANYWAYS!! That goes back to accusation number 2. He's mixed!! He's half black and half white. He is not of middle eastern decent.

In conclusion, I'm tired of all these accusations against him. If you're going to say it, please have something to back it up. That's all I'm saying.

I think I'm going to stop here for the night. I will work on getting on here regularly.

TTYL <3